magical diary
by Miss Gothic Girl
Summary: Cuddy is satisfied with Lukas. But something inside her knows that she should be with House. She starts writing a diary and for some strange reason everything she writes comes true.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Cuddy went home after another hard day at work. She finally got a boyfriend but still she loved spending time with House , even few seconds were important for her. Whereas House didn't share the same feelings, he was furious. He was planning on changing, planning on stopping being a jerk, but she chose someone else, someone he trusted, this made him even more furious, fortunately he is managing to hide his feelings, every time he is standing next to her, he shows zero emotion, instead he keeps on insulting her, not as usual but in more meaner way.

This evening Cuddy wished to spend alone. Without Lucas. Rachel felt asleep without any problems. Cuddy made herself a cup of tea and sat down on the sofa to think about her life. While drinking she thought it will be an excellent idea to start a diary, this way she could share her feeling, emotion and difficulties that she was facing. She realized that right now there is no person she could talk to. Obviously she should not mention anything to Lucas, If she would share any information with Wilson, he would immediately go to House, which will make it pretty awkward. Other people simply wouldn't care and she didn't want to spend money on psychologist.

She stood up and approached to her table, she found an empty notebook and started writing:

_Dear Diary, _

_I feel like I am cheating on Lucas. I love him but some part of me tells me that I should be with House. I can see that House is mad at me, I know him for a long time so I am able to recognize his feeling. But what else should I have done. I gave House around eight hundred chances he didn't take any of them, although sometimes he accepted it but it was me who was scared. I regret it. I am not saying that Lucas is bad boyfriend, he cares about me, about Rachel, he is funny and smart, but something is missing, maybe a bit of sarcasm or negotiation. I don't know. Every time I am with him I feel like I am in some type of cage. This feeling disappears when Dr Gregory House appears in my eyes. I start feeling free! I find this weird because most of the times, House insults me, he would always find something mean to say but this never stopped me from liking him. Everyone thinks he is a jerk or an asshole. Ok, I should admit that rarely…actually maybe always his behavior characterizes him as a jerk but don't people see that somewhere deep inside he might feel sorry for some of his patients, I am sure he always feels lonely, I would be glad to keep him a company, to be his girlfriend but unfortunately I made a wrong decision. If I had any chance to change everything, to go back to past and say no to Lucas but what is done, is done! I guess now I can only dream about House. I can keep on remembering our kiss but this would hardly change anything. I just hope that House forgives me. I hope that everything will be as it was before. I hope that he will be kind to me as he was when he was using methadone. I hope that I have to see Lucas less and House more. Anyway it is time to go to bed. Good night._

Cuddy hid the diary in safe places in order for Lucas or House not to find it, well at least she hoped that they won't find it. She kissed her daughter on the forehead and went to bed.

Next day House was late, again. It was eleven o'clock when Cuddy entered his office.

"Does any of you know where House is?"

"Not really, he is always late, but he never explains the reason." Taub answered while looking through the boring file.

"Why do you need him anyway?" Foreman asked. Cuddy always needed him, for no reason.

"I found an interesting case, House would like it."

"ok we will take it…."

"but what about this case?" Thirteen intruded.

"we will take both."

"when House arrives…"she paused. "if he bothers coming, tell him that I want him in my office." She announced before leaving the room.

She approached to her office, thinking what she would say to House, their relationship wasn't the best. She sat at her table and started filling in the documents.

An hour later House appeared in her office.

"you wanted to see me? missed me already?" house grinned. He sat on her new coach and put his legs on her coffee table.

"I don't remember allowing you to spend half of the work day at home."

"who said I was at home."

"I don't care where you were, I want you to be in the hospital and nowhere else!"

"Yes boss. Are we done now?"

"that it? And now you are going to come on time?" Cuddy was shocked.

"If I will say yes, will you let me go?" Normal House is back.

"Get out."

House stood up and was ready to leave but he froze at the door way. He turned around to face Cuddy and started talking.

"You know this thing about you and Lucas…" he trailed off.

"House, please don't start again."

"Let me finish my sentence!" he snapped. "anyway, I am sorry for being mad at you, it is your choice not mine, I guess we are just not meant for each other." He didn't say anything else. Cuddy was speechless. Is Dr Gregory House saying sorry? That's impossible. He was leaving now. She wanted to stand up and tell me him that she regrets her choice, that she loves him but instead she sat on her chair like a statue.

House went back to his team in order to discuss the patient. Meanwhile Cuddy continued filling in the document.

It was amazing, everything she wrote in her diary came true, he finally forgave her, he was kind to her, House was back to normal!!! The day was over, she sighed out and went home. This evening she spent again without Lucas in order to write more stuff in her diary. She took out her notebook and started writing:

_Dear diary…_

**Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed the story. Please review.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_Dear Diary,_

_This is unbelievable and amazing at the same time, everything I wrote yesterday came true. He didn't insult me, well he did it once today when we met in the clinic, he didn't want to take the patient. But that was nothing comparing to what he was saying before. More so he said sorry…House-a heatless jerk said sorry. This diary must be magical, no, no way it is just a coincidence. _

_Anyway things with Lucas are going bad, we didn't talk today, usually he calls and we have a lunch together, or he sends me a text messages while I am working. But today we didn't communicate in any way. This is a bad sign. Well, tough luck, maybe this Is an opportunity for me and House to get closer? At least I hope it is. God, I remind myself of a teenager girl in high school who is crazy about particular guy but already has a boyfriend. Cuddy come back to reality!!!! There is a possibility that he doesn't feel the same way. We had a conversation today in my office and there was this phrase that came out of his mouth, the phrase that made me speechless. "I guess we are just not meant for each other" I can't get this phrase out of my head. He is wrong! When he said it, I wanted to stand up and yell at him, I wanted to prove him wrong but I just froze there, and when he was leaving, I wanted to catch up and kiss him, or at least to tell him that I made a mistake , a huge mistake…which I regret. _

_The thing I will say now, actually I will write it down, might sound pretty crazy but I want him to kiss me tomorrow, not in public though. I just want him to enter my office and without dropping a word I want him to kiss me. anyway I have to go, I think Rachel is awake. Good night._

While going to bed she was thinking that if this will come true, she might as well write some hospital problems that she wants to be solved.

Next day Cuddy was sitting in House's office in his chair, while the team was discussing the patient in the other office. Few minutes later house came in.

"you do realize that you can't be late every single day!" Cuddy stood up and moved away from the chair.

"And you do realize that I was only late for an hour, meaning you are here not because I was late…you are here because you want to be next to me." House put his bag next to the table and stood closer to Cuddy.

"Shut up and go do your work, your team is waiting for you." She turned around and left.

House was right. The only reason she was there is to be with him, near him, close to him.

As soon as she entered her office, her mobile rang.

"shit, its Lucas." She thought.

"Hey, I am calling to say that I am out of country, my customer wanted me to spy on one person, basically I am going to be away for a while, a week at least. Sorry."

"that's horrible anyway I hope you enjoy your mini vacation."

"Sorry again, I have to go bye, love you."

"love you too bye." That was a lie.

She is alone. Again. She took one of her files and went to the cafeteria. There she bought cup of coffee and sat at the empty table. Few minutes later she had a company-House.

"who said you can sit here." Cuddy looked up.

"There are no other empty tables." More than half of the room was empty.

"What do you want?" cuddy realized that looking through the file will be impossible so she just closed it.

"I heard that things with Lucas are going awful." House grinned.

"why do you even care?" Cuddy raised her eyebrow.

"If you are in bad mood, this means you won't let me do crazy stuff with patients."

Angrily Cuddy stoop up and was about to leave but House caught her hand.

"I seriously do care." House made a kind face to make fun of her.

"Piss off." She got her hand back and left. House was following her ass with his eyes.

At that exact moment Cuddy hated him! Since it was impossible to look at the files at the cafeteria, she decided to finish them off at her office. But someone stormed in her, it was House again.

"I want brain biopsy!" cuddy raised her eyebrows.

"Not for me, for the patient."

"why did you bother coming here if you know that I will say no until you show me neurological symptoms."

"why don't we just skip that part with the symptoms, you know that I am right."

Cuddy stood up, went in front of her desk and leaned on it.

"and you know that you are sometimes wrong, last time you did brain biopsy the patient died."

"I was using way to much vicodin at that time."

"show me the symptoms and I will allow you to do the biopsy."

"fine…why did you stand up?"

"I don't know, I just felt like doing it." House was coming closer.

"well then I just feel like doing this."

He pulled her toward him and pressed his lips hard against hers. Cuddy kissed him back with equal passion. House was kissing her as if he could never get enough of her.

They broke apart, there was an awkward silence.

"House…" cuddy whispered.

As usual he left without saying a word. And Cuddy stayed at the place, shocked amazed and astonished.

**Thanks for reading. please review. **


	3. Chapter 3

A/n:I am so sorry I haven't updated in ages. But I didn't have any free time in past three weeks. Sorry again and I hope you enjoy this chapter.

**Chapter 3**

For few minutes after he left she was still didn't know whether it was a coincidence or it's the diary's fault. No. There is no such thing as magic! Finally she moved and approached to her table. It was time to go home. She packed her stuff and approached to the exit. She spotted House by the nurse's desk. He was glaring which made her feel uncomfortable. She signed out without paying any attention to him and left.

"Damn." She thought. " I need to fill in the hospital's documents, that sucks! Why can't a dean a medicine have one day off? Actually if the thing between House and me will get stronger I will take couple of days off."

Cuddy thoughts were interrupted by the phone.

"Cuddy." She answered.

"Hey baby, how are you. Miss me?" Lucas's voice asked from other side of the phone.

" hey! Of course I miss you. I am fine. I am about to finish off the hospital's documents. What about you?"

"firstly I spent all day log hiding in the bushes…in rose bushes. I destroyed my favourite coat!."

"well when you come back we will get u another one."

"by the way I am coming home earlier….in three days!!!"

"Oh my god!!!! That is fantastic" no it wasn't, it was horrible the earlier he comes the less time she has with House."

"I know, I can't wait to see!"

"me too, sweetheart I would love to talk to you but I am really tired, sorry."

"it's ok, bye"

"bye." She hanged up. In reality she wanted to write something in her diary, something short because she was actually tired. She took it out and started writing :

_House is awesome. I loved our kiss! Now I want more. Maybe we could start off something normal and after get into something more fun. Well it's up to him. Anyway got to go. Good night._

"my shortest diary entry" Cuddy thought while kissing Rachel on her forehead.

**Next day.**

"shit! I am late." Cuddy rushed to get dressed. she had a small snack and jumped into the car.

In her office, her chair was taken.

"House, what are you doing here?"

"it is my turn to tell you off! So why on earth are you late." He made a serious face.

"I haven't promoted you yet so I have no reason to tell you my excuses." She was taking her coat off.

"if you say so..." he stopped and left. Cuddy followed him with her eyes.

"House…you office is in other direction."

"who said I am going back to my office. I don't have a patient."

"so get one and treat it!" Cuddy shouted across the reception area.

House left, ignoring her. Cuddy shook her head and went back in to work. By the afternoon she found a patient and gave to House. throughout the whole morning she was wondering if the kiss actually happened or was it her imagination because House acted normally. It should be true!!! She should know the difference between reality and imagination.

She heard a knock on her door and unknown person aggressively entered the room and House was following him with innocent face.

"Doctor Cuddy, I am Jenifer's husband. The patient who House is treating."

"Yes, so what is your problem." House sat down on the sofa and put his legs on the coffee table.

"I want…no I demand another doctor. This fucking selfish jerk is insulting my wife after every word she says…"

"Well she needs to know she is an idiot." House interrupted.

"Shut up!" Cuddy snapped. "what if.." House interrupted again.

"what if Foreman will be in charge for this case and I feel just participate in the discussion."

"do you agree?" Cuddy asked the husband.

"Yes as long that jerk doesn't come near my wife."

"sounds good to me." House put his legs off the table.

Husband left and House was about to do the same but Cuddy stopped him.

"House…we need to talk."

"No we don't. Case is over and I am going home."

"Case isn't over, the patient is still in the hospital and from time to time she is having seizures.'

"well it's not my problem."

"really? Whose problem is it then?"

"Foreman's. he is in charge now not me and if they need advice they can call."

"House we do need to talk about yesterday."

"we don't." he answered before closing the door.

Great. Well at least she knows that the kiss was true.

She put on her warm coat and gloves and rushed to House's apartment.

After five minutes of knocking House finally replied.

"can I come in?" Cuddy asked.

"if you want to ." he stepped to his left in order to give her some space and then closed the door.

"you want some." He pointed to the wine.

"No, thanks, I have to get back to work after.." he was coming closer and closer like last time. "Can we just talk about what happened last evening and then I will leave you alone."

"what do you want to talk about. I just felt like kissing you and you didn't stop me means you still love me more than Lucas."'

"I was hoping that our conversation will turn out a bit different ."

"whats the point of talking." He came so close that she could smell wine in his breath. But she didn't move. His lips went again hard on her and his hands at the same time started undressing her.

**Thanks for reading. By the way I am going to change the story rating to an M. review please.**


	4. Chapter 4

**a/n: I am really sorry for not updating.**

**Chapter 4**

House carried on kissing her with passion meanwhile she started slowly unbuttoning his shirt. Roughly he riped off her jacket and pulled down her skirt. He started kissing her neck and at the same time he made sure that both of them were completely naked. Without realizing, they appeared in his bedroom. They jumped on the bed.

"House…this is a mistake."

"shhhhh….we both now that it isn't."

"We are going to regre…" House got on top of her and held her arms tight her so she won't escape from his kiss.

"so boss would you like some massage?" before receiving an answer he started massaging between breasts, then around the outsides. After cupping them gently he moved down to her flat stomach

His mouth was following his hands, after kissing her neck he went down until he reached her stomach.

"ready?"

He thrust inside her.

"House.." she moaned

"Yes"

"Don't stop." He kept on going in and out…

Next morning.

"Fantastic" cuddy thought. Now she will have to spend another day running after House in order to talk about last night.

She couldn't believe that now she was laying next to man she loves and the man she is dating is somewhere working.

Cuddy didn't want to talk to House now so she had few minutes before he would wake up. Quietly she stood up found her clothes that were laying all around the room, hoping that House won't wake up. Ten minutes later she was done, but still had this feeling as if she forgot something, "Never mind" she thought. Anyway she could you use her forgotten clothes as an excuse to come back to his apartment, in case if he never asks her. She glanced back at him and left. House was laying in his bed with a smile on his face.

The weather outside was kind of windy, so cuddy's messy hair became even more messy. She rushed to her car and slammed the door. This was a mistake. That night was a mistake. She knew that she wanted it but she still has a boyfriend on whom she cheated with House. this wasn't like her. She chose House, a selfish jerk, over caring and kind guy. On other hand, she always loved bad boys.

While driving home, she was still going over last night and to what it will led. Should she just tell Lucas everything and they will break up? Or should she keep it as a secret? The time will show. She still had two days left maybe by then House and Cuddy could become enemies.

Finally she arrived home. Her nanny wasn't exactly satisfied. She had to stay for extra seven hours.

"I am so sorry Angela, I just had this horrible night."

"really? By your appearance you had a wonderful night. A little advice: next time check that you wore your skirt properly." she said with a grin. Cuddy's cheeks went a bit red.

"Anyway thank you, for staying." Cuddy walked Angela to the front door.

"You're welcome, but next time, please inform me before."

"Of course. Bye"

"Bye." Cuddy shut the door. Arrows on Cuddy's watch showed eight o'clock. She didn't like the idea of being late again.

Cuddy looked like a mess. She quickly took a shower and decided to have breakfast at work. But before leaving she remember one small but Important thing: Rachel. The nanny left and there is no way in hell she is leaving her alone. Where is Lucas when you need him??? She guessed there was no other choice but to take her to work. Another twenty minutes went on preparing Rachel. Soon after that, both of them were in the car, heading towards the hospital. On her way there she was thinking what to say to House. they had to talk but how? Wouldn't it be just awkward? On other hand leaving it at this rate will be even worse.

When Cuddy entered the hospital with Rachel, House was already there. She was shocked that he made it before her.

"Morning Sunshine!" he had a huge satisfied smile on his face. "Late again, can you tell me _now _the reason?"

"Morning." She was signing in.

"Did anything happen last night? Anything special?"

"Not that I am aware of, it was a normal night like any other." She didn't want the nurses by the reception suspect anything.

"so you want to do it again?"

"What are you talking about, I was doing the hospital documents last time, I wouldn't mind doing them again, now if you excuse me, I have work, so do you." She headed to her office with Rachel. House followed.

When they were alone he began, "So it was just like a normal night to you?"

"no, you know it wasn't just a night, I just didn't want to mention anything in front of the nurses."

"I am sure they wouldn't mind."

"House!"

"What? I guess when you said that you don't mind doing more paper work, you mean you want more?" Cuddy was speechless. What shall she do? She wanted more and she knew that, but should she actually say it?

"do _you_ want more?"

"you are the boss, you decide."

"since when you started listening to me?"

"since last night. Fine I am going to be nice and give you two choices" this time he couldn't lay on the sofa because Rachel was there.

"Really? What are they." Cuddy smiled.

"if you want more, come to my apartment in the evening and you obviously get the second one."

As usual without waiting for a reply he left. She began to work. But every document she went through she was still focused on House's question, _do you want more? _Was he serious? Did he actually like it? Cuddy wanted to ask Wilson's advice but it was too risky, it was well known that everything you tell Wilson, House will eventually know it or other way round. She was sitting on the sofa next to Rachel and going over everything again. Finally she made up her mind.

**Thanks for reading. Now little question: do you want her to go or wait a little bit and do it next time? Your choice.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/n : I finally did another chapter, I am really sorry for my huge breaks, I am trying to make them smaller.**

**Chapter 5.**

Her heart and other parts of her body were saying _you should go, you have to, this is your only chance. _But the brain was thinking differently. She had a baby now therefore she needed a reliable man and House definitely isn't one. _Great. So what shall she do now? _Cuddy was practically shaking. She was scared and nervous. She looked at her watch and realized that in forty minutes her nanny will come. So she packed her bags, dressed Rachel and headed home, still thinking about her decision. _Should she go? Is it worth it? Is the pain worth it? _

Cuddy arrived home, took off her jacket and undressed Rachel. Her nanny was by the door. She was _still _going over everything and finally she made up her mind: she should go. She should go and tell him that they have to wait, that she doesn't want to cheat on Lukas, that Lukas doesn't deserve cheating.

She dressed again and left her house. Twenty minutes later she was by his door. Her hand was shaking while ringing the door bell. House opened the door and looked very surprised, actually he looked kind of shocked. He was not expecting her to come.

"come in." he invited her in.

"look…." But she didn't get a chance to finish her sentence: House started kissing her lip but she pulled away. "House, I am not here for this, I came to talk to you..about….about us."

"Talking? No, that's like the most boring thing ever. I told you to come if you wanted more. And here you are without wanting more….makes no sense to me." he tried kissing her again but got smacked for that. "fine, let's leave the _interesting _part for later and do the _boring _one now." He walked toward the sofa and jumped on it.

She placed her coat on the hanger and sat opposite House.

"Listen, could just wait a little bit, put it on pause. "

"so you don't like me, not at all? You prefer that loser Lucas. And the sad thing is that I introduced him to you." House pretended to sob.

"could you be a grown-up for couple of minutes? Or is it completely impossible for you?"

"ok, ok, I am serious." He made a serious face so serious that Cuddy almost burst out laughing but she stopped herself.

"I just wanted to wait till Lukas comes back so I can explain this to.." house interrupted.

"okay, I get it, you don't want to feel guilty…typical cuddy."

Cuddy smiled.

"but maybe we could do it one more time?"

"House! patience"

"but mom?" cuddy laughed as she got up and went to the front door.

"are you sure that you don't want to stay?"

"Yes I am." She puts on her coat. "Good night House."

"Good night Cuddy, I will be waiting for you."

Cuddy left. It went better than she expected. She thought it would be more awkward but it went perfectly. Now it was time for much harder part: tell Lukas.

**a/n: thanks for reading, review plz. Next chapter will be longer**


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